too much

i had to get my thoughts out... maybe it'll help me sleep. nothing new. nothing spectacular... just full to the brim again. tired. so tired. i'm full of... nothing. i feel so depleted. and i know God should fill it... but He gave me a husband. there's a portion he should be filling too... i'm worried out, i'm energy-less, i'm sick of sleeplessness. i'm so tired.

nothing really brought this on. no big event. just... it's too much. i've done this for too long, and all the crap that goes with this gig... i'm tired of it's reruns. tired of the ghosts left in the system... my system. in and of myself, i cannot do this. the fact that i've done it means it's not me... but me is tired. guess that means i need to up the "walking in the Spirit" action. cuz wesley's done being up. help... i need june to come so badly. then i need our EAS date to come even faster. i'm over this precious corps. precious my grimy foot. it's a destroyer. and destroying is only good on the battlefield. ah... soon. this too shall pass... this too shall pass.. "now is not forever". but i want forever to be now, ya know? and i wanna know that these ghosts will for sure lose their scare factor and stop their haunting... thank God they're just ghosts... but ghosts still make you jump.

i want "i wanna go home" to be a valid statement of pleading comfort again...