Lucy, i'm home!

o man! i've been gone forever. my parents have become strangers, thus lengthy sessions of hanging on their necks was in order : ) my own bed is an awesome nest to huddle in yet being away from home makes me feel so much more prepared for life... in some senses... more domestic haha. my christmas break and new years has been a whirlwind and i'm trying to stop my head from spinning *doing sautes now (if you're not a dancer don't try and understand)*. but life is about to go back to normal... well school is starting again ewwww! though that won't even be normal this semester. i haven't blogged in forever but hey certain someone's who shall remain nameless *coughing no one's name* i'm not the only one!

so this break and what's to come... "lemme esplain. no takes too long; lemme som up" please tell me you got that and i didn't make those disgusting spelling errors for nothing! well going to MO was interesting. lately, well not lately all my issues have been so internal! it's all in my head really. i just think. i fight with myself. i fight to keep my mouth shut. i ponder what i should say, shouldn't say. i restrain my tongue from rehashing dead topics. i think hard on subjects more and more like i can squeeze an answer from my turning the issue over in my brain. also i feel everything so much more deeply. that doesn't mean i've become more mushy at least to the public. sorry all i still don't cry haha ; ) i find myself wishing i could cry though, hmm strange ugh i'll think about that later.

*see a blank stare* sorry, so anyway MO, regarding the feeling more and mental thing, for the first time i remember at least, really LOVING that small town steeped in history. though my bumpkin meter ran too high toward the end of the trip. God bless the small town but i couldn't stay in one for over a week. but i can't explain my reaction, internally of course, to bebe being able to tell a story for each building, street, knick knack. it moved me as stupid as that sounds. walking the old cemetery was like a cool breeze through my soul. to walk through those beautiful headstones that are to help the world remember hundreds of past lives and deeds, i could feel like myself. i feel at home among the old and past, older values and codes, the quiet and known, not new. i want to walk well trodden paths that i can entrench. think of me as a restoration not a renovation and i like it that way.

after that completely unnecessary intro here are some of my thoughts and realizations while away from home in MO. i loved hearing about some family history from uncle edward. haha ah uncle edward, you gotta love him as he gives a good ol' texas "yahoo" for the whole restaurant to hear and says "God bless you to all he passes". o goodness. and about 6 times he shoved him palm in my face when he told a family story he deemed i shouldn't remember. yes all 20 years of me. but back to what he unearthed about our family. back when W. VA was just VA our family owned a whole town named after us. not casey, it was a branch further back, flescher, so flescherville. and stonewall's grandson bought it from us and it became part of W.VA and is now Weston. apparently there is some structure that tells about the history of the town that lays all this out. i was giddy when i heard this. my family owned a town! and stonewall's grandson bought it from us! eeeeeee!

then at bebe's i was reminded of the good and not all that hot aspects of my family. it just made me laugh. and we laughed, for not seeing each other that much therefore not knowing each other a whole lot we sure do laugh a bunch. it also gave me some perspective on my whole life, made me see things from a different angle. here are some things i jotted down while there:

- "can i show you my little thingy" haha bebe cracks me up

- "we are a touching family"

- boyfriends are fresh, oy good times

- my eating habits are always of interest. usually it's that i don't eat enough. now it was "hungry again?" which dad asked at one point adding "just a growing girl". i quickly replied "yea growing sideways". and in all his adorableness he said "no you're a skinny minney". <3

- Dec. 25th and the 25th Psalm was the most incredible pairing of day and chapter to read. i wrote down verse 3, 5, 14, 16, 17, 20, 21! awesome stuff

- v.21 is my theme verse: Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, For I wait for You!

- bebe gave me a ring of her's that was from a WWII navy man who got it in the east probably. mom and i saw a close copy in an antique shop for $250 made with opals and rubies. she said they were popular back then and through the Vietnam War. mine are probably opals and sapphires in gold. ya pretty exciting stuff!!!

- i had the strangest dream, one of those that felt real. i had a child. very bizarre but hey i'm the most maternal right? bah!

- there was a traffic jam, in Marshall terms, at the McDonald's the 26th hahahaha ah small towns

- i was so tired of college money! it's a joke my dad and i have. seriously my tuition no longer needs to be paid ok?!

- and be careful what you pray for. God answered mine in a funny way. one morning i laid a tough situation in His hands using the famous "Thy will be done". and that night He answered it in a way i wasn't looking for.