Hello friends,
Thank you each one of you who have made your love and support tangible the last few days and weeks as Ben and I face what seems to some crazy and daunting ordeal. But I'm writing to you all, one, to tell you remarkably I am ok and, two, and what God has done to make me feel that way. And in case you were wondering, I was not always like this and I am not saying I can guarantee that I'll be this strong for the next 14 months but I know I'll always be able to come back to the knowledge that I hold tonight that has made me feel like this.
What is that knowledge? Wrong question. More like WHO? Who is Jesus Christ. He has made His word very much alive in me and I feel I am living proof of His promise that He can supply peace that passes all understanding and it will guard our hearts and minds. I feel His love and assurance has built a bulwark around my heart. I am excited to go through something seemingly tough to the average mindset simply to show off how strong my God is for being the reason I get through that time, and not just limping along but full out running my course strong and confident!
So how did I get here? Well of course Jesus, Himself, did it but He used one channel in particular, my future husband, Benjamin. This man who God has graciously brought into my life is the reason I stand here not just coping, not falling apart, not even OK; I am excited for the next 14 months he and I will be apart. We won't be able to talk as much as we're accustomed and we have over a year to wait until we are finally married, Lord willing, on top of our previous 5 months we've already been engaged yet I have an unshakable confidence God is and will use this time for His glory. And when we do come together in marriage, it will be for the right reason: to form a more perfect unite to serve our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
As we spent the precious few hours we had left together this afternoon, he freely began speaking to me about our time apart that stared us in the face. His words ring in my ears, "Look at Paul and Peter, the great men from the Bible, why were they considered great? Not because they had easy, prosperous lives. But they are called great because of the hardship they endured and how they endured it. They were remembered because they didn't quit." As a dear friend and mentor said about her husband, "If there were such a thing as a Prov. 31 man, he would be it!" I heartily agree about my husband to be. His steadfast confidence of God's goodness, his strength to get through each day in his world filled with men and women utterly opposed to the things of God who lambaste his faith and morals, his bravery to face days that are physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually hard without hesitation, his witness that never waivers, his unquestioned faithfulness to me, the stability he gives me even when I know he is worn thin by the day, the fact that when he talks Jesus shines from his eyes and his voice's cadence echoes with reflections of the Father all bring me closer to the Father and make me love him more. But my greatest gift is to hear him pray. My man is not only a modern day warrior who defends our country, but he is a warrior on his knees before the Throne of Grace. His prayers humble, move and inspire me. His never ending reliance on the Father has taught me I can rely on his leading me to the Father. As his hand totally engulfs mine, so to does his love that never ends and his diligence to draw us closer to our King.
His reminder to me today has made the world of difference to me. It made me think of Elizabeth Elliot's thoughts on angst and longing for something God wasn't giving her (the freedom to marry Jim when she wanted to) "If the yearnings went away, what would we have left to offer up to the Lord?". So this time is Ben's and my offering. This is our prayer, "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad." God has placed a faith in both of our hearts that there is a reason for our separation and wait and we can't wait to see what He does. I am in awe at the transformation power God has to work on our hearts. I had seen this phase we have now entered as a time to dread and fear, just grit our teeth and get through. Now, who would have thought, it's a huge source of rejoicing in our God's power and unfailing love. I praise Him for this faith I know only can come from Him. May He be glorified through our lives!
Thank you each one of you who have made your love and support tangible the last few days and weeks as Ben and I face what seems to some crazy and daunting ordeal. But I'm writing to you all, one, to tell you remarkably I am ok and, two, and what God has done to make me feel that way. And in case you were wondering, I was not always like this and I am not saying I can guarantee that I'll be this strong for the next 14 months but I know I'll always be able to come back to the knowledge that I hold tonight that has made me feel like this.
What is that knowledge? Wrong question. More like WHO? Who is Jesus Christ. He has made His word very much alive in me and I feel I am living proof of His promise that He can supply peace that passes all understanding and it will guard our hearts and minds. I feel His love and assurance has built a bulwark around my heart. I am excited to go through something seemingly tough to the average mindset simply to show off how strong my God is for being the reason I get through that time, and not just limping along but full out running my course strong and confident!
So how did I get here? Well of course Jesus, Himself, did it but He used one channel in particular, my future husband, Benjamin. This man who God has graciously brought into my life is the reason I stand here not just coping, not falling apart, not even OK; I am excited for the next 14 months he and I will be apart. We won't be able to talk as much as we're accustomed and we have over a year to wait until we are finally married, Lord willing, on top of our previous 5 months we've already been engaged yet I have an unshakable confidence God is and will use this time for His glory. And when we do come together in marriage, it will be for the right reason: to form a more perfect unite to serve our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
As we spent the precious few hours we had left together this afternoon, he freely began speaking to me about our time apart that stared us in the face. His words ring in my ears, "Look at Paul and Peter, the great men from the Bible, why were they considered great? Not because they had easy, prosperous lives. But they are called great because of the hardship they endured and how they endured it. They were remembered because they didn't quit." As a dear friend and mentor said about her husband, "If there were such a thing as a Prov. 31 man, he would be it!" I heartily agree about my husband to be. His steadfast confidence of God's goodness, his strength to get through each day in his world filled with men and women utterly opposed to the things of God who lambaste his faith and morals, his bravery to face days that are physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually hard without hesitation, his witness that never waivers, his unquestioned faithfulness to me, the stability he gives me even when I know he is worn thin by the day, the fact that when he talks Jesus shines from his eyes and his voice's cadence echoes with reflections of the Father all bring me closer to the Father and make me love him more. But my greatest gift is to hear him pray. My man is not only a modern day warrior who defends our country, but he is a warrior on his knees before the Throne of Grace. His prayers humble, move and inspire me. His never ending reliance on the Father has taught me I can rely on his leading me to the Father. As his hand totally engulfs mine, so to does his love that never ends and his diligence to draw us closer to our King.
His reminder to me today has made the world of difference to me. It made me think of Elizabeth Elliot's thoughts on angst and longing for something God wasn't giving her (the freedom to marry Jim when she wanted to) "If the yearnings went away, what would we have left to offer up to the Lord?". So this time is Ben's and my offering. This is our prayer, "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad." God has placed a faith in both of our hearts that there is a reason for our separation and wait and we can't wait to see what He does. I am in awe at the transformation power God has to work on our hearts. I had seen this phase we have now entered as a time to dread and fear, just grit our teeth and get through. Now, who would have thought, it's a huge source of rejoicing in our God's power and unfailing love. I praise Him for this faith I know only can come from Him. May He be glorified through our lives!
1 comment:
I don't even know what to say... Wesley, this is amazing. You are amazing. God is amazing!! I have chills! He is so good to me to give me a best friend who passionately and steadfastly holds on to Him and His truth. I love you so! Thank God for the incredible things He's doing in your life and Ben's!
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