Once again

I'm in that mood again...
I'm ITCHING to dance!
I feel I shall go mad.

I need a studio and hours to just blast music and push my body to it's old extremes;

the kind of pushing that will leave me worn out and in pain.

ABANDON

that's what I long for.

Abandon on the dance floor.
To completely let go of myself, physically and emotionally.
Disconnect from social norms and my usual way of expression thus being able to say more than I could before.


I could always find a quiet, secret and beautiful world within myself when I danced.
I think each person who has a dancer's heart, and not every dancer has one and some people have one and are not "dancers", understands this concept.

Freedom.

I felt it there. The only place I ever experienced that kind of limitlessness.

"If you don't dance, you die" a past dance teacher told me.

She was right. I feel a part of me has died.
Now no one freak out, it's not something that shatters my existences. Yet, in moments like this, I feel it's hard to breathe not having dance in my life anymore.

Dance unlocked a hidden part in my heart and soul.
I could lay emotions, thoughts, and motions (yes I said motions, I'm a dancer, I think in movement) out on that marley floor that I didn't even know how to express anywhere else in my life.
It was a private freedom though, if that makes sense. I could dance out and express my deepest feelings for anyone to see as I moved across a stage, yet I never had to explain anything.

Dance is its own language. Each dancer speaks her own dialect. Some people can read yours, some can't. But you'll never know if they do or not and it doesn't matter. You lay your heart on that stage through your body and someone else can even understand a glimmer of it than hoozah for them. But you spoke your heart language to yourself, and that's a comfort nothing can replace.