i need to live again

i read his love letters to me, i talk about him with others, i sing about him, i sing to him. i feel his hand guide me, he gives me everything i need. are my thoughts turned toward him are of adoration and love. but how do i express this love? how can i give back just a morsel of the undying love he gives to me. i smile, i sway, i even lift my hands. my heart burns within me, the fire deep down sears my bones. i feel light-headed and quietly giggle at the secret delight that only he and i share at this moment.

and yet... and yet he makes me smile and laugh. i'm not making him smile. well i might give him a small smile but i want him to jump up and down, dance around screaming, "she loves me, she loves me!". but how do i do this? i do what makes me feel closest to him. and what is that? when my soul moves to worship, my body longs to as well. however mainstream christendom does not accept this as a sunday morning norm. some even raise an eyebrow at uplifted hands. but to completely feel my Love's complete presence and happiness and feel totally happy in Him i must move. i feel immersed in the Savior's arm to the fullest extent only when i am dancing.

i long to use myself as a vessel again. to worship God in my own personal form of worship. singing in church is wonderful but only do i feel i have stretched to my full worship potential when i dance worship not just sing it. i tell a story to others or just back to God through my body. and when i do i feel His good pleasure. when i dance for Him i feel completely exposed but so exposed that i can't be hurt because He totally consumes me, covers me, and therefore protects me.

if you haven't guessed, this is slightly uncommon. most people don't really get it. even if i explain and they say they understand, no one really can unless they experience it themselves. that's why my soul feels so refreshed when i can fellowship with the few who do understand this. : ) this part of my life is small, hidden, and private. it's relieving to share it once in awhile with the select group who i know feel the same way. bottom line: i feel smothered not being able to dance and not dance for God. it's my way to breath, clear my head, give something back to God and put a smile on His face. it's my way to feel alive. to know i exist. i need to feel alive again!