just some jumbled thoughts...

driving home from work the other day i was pondering the conundrum of how we can never see ourselves through another's eyes. we can never see our mannerisms natural and impromptu. never shall we hear our voices in another's ears. the closest we can get it looking in a mirror, which is just looking at another thing that happens to reflect our image. but we can never see ourselves without using OUR eyes that happened to be tied to our consciousness and subconscious perception of our image. this i'm sure influences what we see greatly. and how we move in front of a mirror can never be termed at ease and unrehearsed. admit it! you know it's true. and one evening years ago, my father revealed a thing to me that has left me sitting on prickles ever since. i pointed out to him that when i hear my voice on the answering machine, for instance, i sound so different than when i hear myself talk. i didn't like the first example. like the logical man he is and of course "daddy knows best", he cast a terrible light on the truth that what i hear in my own ears results from my voice resonating in my own body. it's not what anyone else hears. therefore, what i hear on the answering machine is what others hear. i am profoundly sorry world!

as all these rambling lines of thought toppled between my ears, i came to the conclusion: we can never ever know ourselves completely because there is that part of us as i just laid out above that others will always have and we never will. others can use their five senses on us like we are simply not able to do. then an sense of injustice rose in me. "why?" why can't we know ourselves completely. i don't feel like my own person. like some of my privacy has been stolen. i just heard of a secret that i am not allowed to listen to. how dare that happen! again "why?"! but then God's nature came to mind. how He is mysterious. some things we can never figure out. but i believe these parts of Him have been placed here for us to seek out. this withstanding, and we acknowledge the fact that we are made in His image; why shouldn't we have mysteries? some things we will spend our whole lives seeking out but never fully grasping. no don't be discouraged. i'm not. it's not about finding the answers but the fact that we do try to seek them out. that doesn't sound quite hallmarkish, forgive me. the hour is late and i'm reverting to triteness.

one final revelation: maybe another reason we aren't allowed to see ourselves wholly is because in that complete view to our feeble human minds the weight would be too much. and by weight i refer to the overwhelming sight of our good points: beauty, grace, lovely eye, keen mind, quick wit. and the unbearable backhand of our faults. He knows what we can handle. we humans are altogether too beautiful and hideous simultaneously.