take a walk with me?

will you? no one seems to understand... but one : ).
just because i smile doesn't mean i'm happy. just because i don't talk about anything doesn't mean i'm not constantly thinking. not that God hasn't done awesome things for me but people just don't get it. i have feelings too. too many... God is moving and i adore Him for it but one just doesn't hop from one stage to another. it's a slow process. i've been good the past couple weeks but tonight after some things were said and i drove past i started crying again. again... "the tears don't hurt like the ache does" hmm

so many things race through my mind, i'm gasping for air:
"I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears...
your presence still lingers here
And it wont leave me alone...
These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase...
When you'd cried
i'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream
i'd fight away all of your fears.
And i've held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have all of me.
You used to captivate me,
By your resonating light.
Now i'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams...
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
But though you're still with me...I've been alone all along."

"Until this empty place is filled, I'll keep pretending"

"Your eyes tell a whole other story and i feel the weight of the world"

"A broken heart that the world forgot
Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams giver her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel"

"You don't remember me,
but I remember you.
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you.
But who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do.
I believe in you.
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to be with you to live, to breath...
You're taking over me."

"Can you know what I know and all we had.
You saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand.
I knew you loved me then."

"swallowing this hurt
making it lie down
i'm my strongest ally,
living life as i know how
i'm carrying the weight of the world that sold me out
i'm running with my eyes closed
hoping you don't see this doubt
i'm lost for words
i'm at a loss to tell you what i need
i know there's something more
God, help me to believe
and all this time i thought the fight was only mine
i need to let you rescue me
i'm taking fire
i'm feeling tired of this fight
i need to let you rescue me
i let it go to breathe
i can't take it anymore
i refuse to wake up one more time
bleeding on the floor
i won't let myself hold back
i'll surrender what's inside
You become my healing tourniquet
so i can feel alive
i feel so exposed
i'm afraid to loosen all control
with nothing left to hold
You reach for me and wouldn't let me go"