a breath of fresh air...

the last week has been tough and bizarre almost beyond imagining. after contemplation and a melt down and a metaphorical kick in the pants from my mom : ) i see what the issues have been. and not that the "problems" have disappeared but i have a refreshed outlook with which to face them.

my own flesh has had a death grip on me. i was drowning in what isn't and can't be now. God hasn't gotten me there yet. He has other things apparently first. but i wasn't satisfied with that. i kicked and screamed mentally which caused a nasty attitude and depression for a couple of days... not pretty. and i still struggle. and i will still struggle but my God is mighty to save!

i wanted and still can't wait to get out of here. get away from everything around me now. slough off the old dead and ugly, and feel the cleansing freshness of new. but i can't "run from my problems, i have to face them"... and i do... nearly every day. and praise Him from whom all blessings flow i feel like i can again. here are some of the things He's been revealing to me that has refreshed my spirit. i pray it will do the same for you:

with God not "answering" to my satisfaction i grew fretful, angry, resentful even. but He showed me two of my favorite verses are right next to each other

Psalm 37:3-4 "Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart."

my duty now is to dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. there is something to be learned here from staying in the same ol' place that causes daily angst and to some degree pain, just any that i cause myself (that sounds masochistic, i mean emotionally) anyway! and if He holds true to His promises He will give me the desires of my heart, the one's He has placed there. i pray these dreams of mine are His.

another revelation came as i stumbled across some verses and teaching. part of my problem is i feel God is silent. He isn't speaking merely because He isn't giving me what i'm pitching a fit for, which of course is an awesome way to persuade God, HA! but i loved what oswald chambers has to say about silence:

"...His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible -- with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation. If God has given you silence, then praise Him... Time is nothing to God."

this is so comforting but maybe another view of His silence is that i have just been screaming too loudly so He has stopped talking til i am through. God is a gentleman, He won't go where He isn't wanted, as Ruth Graham Bell would say. but something i know i can count on is His pure unadulterated Word:

Lamentations 3:25-28, 31-32 it's long but bear with me it's so good!

"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,

To the person who seeks Him.

It is good that he waits SILENTLY

For the salvation of the Lord.

It is good for a man that he should bear

The yoke in his youth

Let him sit alone and be silent

Since He has laid it on him.

For the Lord will not reject forever,

For if He causes grief,

Then He will have compassion

According to His abundant lovingkindness."

Exodus 14:13 "Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you today..."

AMEN! this verse is what keeps my christian blood pumpin'. it's like an inspiring message to the troops before heading into battle. "this day we stand and fight"!!!! hehe i had to get one in ya know ; )

all these verses make me want to do the will of the Father. i want to make Him proud, not just because He will reward me but just because. i can't quite explain it. i just want to. maybe because He is so good i am inspired to try to repay Him, though i can never come close. but like a child can never measure up to what a parent does for them they simply do what will please Him. i want to be a good daughter.

and so after all these meditations on His wonderful word i leave you with these final verses, my heart's cry for myself and you as well:

Lamentations 5:21

"Restore us to You, O Lord, that we may be restored

Renew our days as of old"

Psalm 24:3-6

"Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord?

And who may stand in His holy place?

He who has clean hands and a pure heart,

Who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood

And has not sworn deceitfully.

He shall receive a blessing from the Lord

And righteousness from the God of his salvation.

This is the generation of those who seek Him,

Who seek Your face -- even Jacob."

rise up my generation and cleanse your hands, purify your hearts and draw close to God! (James 4:8)