delicious autumn!

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns." - George Eliot

dear Mr. Eliot understands me!

it always happens every year - my teens that is - my mood automatically changes when fall comes. it has been fairly hot and not too fallish until today. and you know what? i new it was cooler as soon as i opened my eyes. i still was in my bed under my five thick covers (my parents think i'm crazy and roast but i like it) in my room with a closed door and a think curtain. yes i like a cave like feel to sleep. but as soon as my senses were awake, i knew.

there is a smell about fall, even in boring pretend fall florida. there's a purity in the air it smells devoid of odor yet it's sweeter. i can't explain it. but i know that smell. i may not be able to describe it or recreate it but as soon as true fall air is here i know it. beyond the smell is something else even more intangible. fall feels amazing. spring can be fun, you feel like skipping, or even coquettish. summer is heavy which can sometimes feel oppressive or suffocating. winter always will be associated with christmas therefore it feel jovial and wonderfully childlike, cheery. but fall, fall awakens some deep well of emotion in me. i don't even know how to make anyone understand. i just feel alive. spring is always associated with growth. but in my case i feel my time is fall. in that pure sweet air and the grass is cool and crisp, the sun is a comforting amber always just setting, the magic hour. nature has that glow as if it's in love. and i have to smile at it like someone would when they see a couple sharing in complete happiness.

just tonight walking out on that beautiful scene with the glowing orb of amber above, illuminating the field of grass and the trees, oh the trees, a thought came and couldn't help but escape my lips: "oh this is God's weather". it's true, i feel closer to God in the fall. He feels nearer (is that even a word, well i like it). why i wonder does He feel this way? here on earth hug closer to ourselves, jip our jackets all the way up, even huddle closer to friends to talk, to keep warm. so are we humans try to stay warm does God come closer to keep our spirits warm? theologically i know this is nonsense but ideologically it like it.

"Autumn is the eternal corrective. It is ripeness and color and a time of maturity; but it is also breadth, and depth, and distance. What man can stand with autumn on a hilltop and fail to see the span of his world and the meaning of the rolling hills that reach to the far horizon?- Hal Borland

that's how i felt in that field tonight between those two trees, one carries fun memories of climbing. how can i stand here and not see the span of my world?! it was like what they like to call a divine appointment. i feel like this time in my life is my time. and i don't mean that like i can horde it selfishly because i don't have ties of family and job, etc. i mean that have i not been placed here for such a time as this? this is my time to do awesome works for God BECAUSE i don't have those ties. i am on fire for Him and i want to spread that fire on to others. i want to be God's hands and feet, i want to see Him do great things that i can be apart of. i want to be used by Him. now do you see what fall does to me? but it's not just the season of weather. i believe this is a season of life, a new one, i am entering and i am ecstatic! i feel God has prepared me for... something, and i can't wait to find out!!

"Youth is like spring, an over praised season more remarkable for biting winds than genial breezes. Autumn is the mellower season,and what we lose in flowers we more than gain in fruits." - Samuel Butler

Here it is, the thought that brings it all together. i feel like i have just finished a spring season, a youthful season, learning, falling and skinning my knees. but i got up and began walking again, therefore gaining strength and knowledge. things have been taken from me that defined my whole life for years but i am coming to grips with that. but the flower of youth has passed and the maturing of fruit is growing. its a bittersweet time. for my young stage i feel like these are the twilight years before i FINALLY put them down and enter full fledged adulthood: serious job, family, children of my own, all that jazz. i know some of you might be confused: twilight years? youth has passed? well yes and no. here and now a part of youth has passed and therefore an older phase has entered. but when i truly am in my middle ages or senior years this will still be looked on as youth. it makes sense to me.

fall is here and it is doing wonderful things!